If you’ve ever blacked out during a high-stakes meeting or felt like your words were slipping away while speaking, you’re not alone. Many leaders experience this, but few understand why it happens—or how to fix it.
Dr. Bessel van der Kolk’s The Body Keeps the Score provides profound insights into how our nervous system reacts to stress, and these insights are directly applicable to communication. Your ability to speak with confidence, connect with your audience, and remain present is not just about technique—it’s about how well you manage your body’s internal state.
The “Smoke Detector” in Your Brain: Why You Shut Down While Speaking
Van der Kolk explains that the amygdala, the brain’s alarm system, acts like a “smoke detector,” scanning for danger. In moments of real or perceived threat, it triggers the fight-flight-freeze response.
For many leaders, speaking in front of an audience—or even in an intense conversation—can activate this survival mechanism.
If your body perceives public speaking as a “threat,” the amygdala hijacks your brain before your rational mind can intervene.
This results in racing thoughts, a shaky voice, breathlessness, or even going completely blank—not because you lack skills, but because your body is protecting you from what it sees as danger.
If this response is chronic, you may develop avoidance patterns, reinforcing the fear and making future speaking experiences even more stressful.
Understanding the Stress You Put on Yourself
Before diving into solutions, it's crucial to recognize the internal pressure you might be placing on yourself:
Expecting yourself to remember every word perfectly instead of focusing on connection.
Feeling like you need everyone to like you rather than focusing on delivering value.
Seeing communication as a win/lose proposition rather than an opportunity for engagement.
“White knuckling” your way through instead of finding ease in the moment.
This self-imposed stress can amplify the body's stress response and make communication feel like a battle instead of a conversation.
Know How Stress Manifests in Your Body
Every person reacts to stress differently. Understanding your unique physiological response is key to knowing what you need in the moment:
Does your breath become shallow?
Do your shoulders tense up?
Does your voice tighten or speed up?
By recognizing these cues, you can intervene early and redirect your energy in a productive way.
Three Simple Tools to Manage Stress & Stay Present
Once you identify your personal stress patterns, you can start integrating practical tools to stay engaged and in control while speaking:
1. Breathe (Don’t Hold Your Breath!)
One of the first things we unconsciously do under stress is stop breathing properly. When your breath becomes shallow, your brain gets the signal that danger is near, making you feel even more anxious.
Consciously take deep belly breaths before and during your speech.
A simple inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 6 can help reset your nervous system.
2. Use the Power of the Pause
The pause is the Swiss Army knife of communication. It has so many benefits that it’s crazy not to use it:
It interrupts the stress cycle, preventing panic from escalating.
It gives you time to think of your next point.
It allows your listeners to process what you just said.
It gives your body a moment to reset and reconnect with the room.
It helps you find your next listener with your eyes, increasing engagement.
Instead of fearing silence, learn to trust the pause as a tool for clarity and impact.
3. Channel “Leftover” Energy into the Room
Adrenaline and cortisol don’t just disappear instantly. Instead of fighting against them, redirect them outward into your expression and delivery.
Use the extra energy to amplify your gestures and vocal variety.
Let your energy expand into the room, rather than suppressing it.
Think of your excitement as fuel rather than something to control.
By shifting from holding stress in to sending energy out, you’ll transform nervousness into dynamic presence.
Final Thoughts: Your Body & Voice Work Together
Leadership communication isn’t just about words—it’s about mastering your inner experience so your voice, body, and energy are fully aligned with your message. If your body is locked in fight-or-flight, your ability to influence, inspire, and connect will always be limited.
By understanding the neuroscience behind stress and communication, and integrating simple tools like breath, pause, and energy redirection, you can break free from old patterns, speak with confidence, and show up as the leader you’re meant to be.